Chapter Text
[The scene opens with a shot of imp city that slowly zooms in on the I.M.P. Building. The sound of the busy streets can be heard in the background. The scene transitions to a closed door labeled "IMP Headquarters", with a crude sign made from a sheet of notebook paper that reads, "Meeting in progress" with a smiley face drawn next to it. The light flickers as the camera zooms in on the door. Inside Blitzø is walking in front a whiteboard on the wall as he lectures his employees.]
Blitzø: Alright. Now, I know business has been... a bit slow lately, yes. It's no one's fault, okay? I'm not naming any names here... *looks at Moxxie* Moxxie-
[Moxxie gives him an incredulous look in response.]
*some of the demons chuckled a bit*
Moxxie: *Rolls eyes*
Blitzø: -Now, does anyone have... any bright ideas on how we can get business drummin' up again?
Millie: *eyes sparkling* What, about, a car wash!
Blitzø: This is Hell, Millie. No one cares about cars being clean here, okay? *thinks for a second* Wh- Ooh! What about a billboard?
[He waves his hands with an enthusiastic flair as sparkles fly out.]
Moxxie: *rolls eyes* We can't afford a billboard, sir.
Blitzø: Ha! We got one now though!
Moxxie: *Deadpans* A very Misspelled one
Millie: Aw’ come on honey, it still works.
Moxxie: alright I’ll give you guys that.
Stolas: *smiles* it’s wonderful to see how your business truly came to be.
Stella: *groans rolling her eyes and crossing her arms* Imp sucker…
Blitzø: *ignores stella* well I mean this was after we’d been working on it, it wasn’t exactly “new”, but we weren’t as experienced.
Loona: That’s an understatement….
Blitzø: *wraps his arm over Moxxie's shoulder* Helpful, Moxxie. Really glad you're in the room right now. *pushes Moxxie away* Have you guys forgotten what service we provide?
[Blitzø turns on a TV that shows the I.M.P. crew brutally murdering people from the overworld as they are paid to do. Blitzø whacks a man in the face with a mallet, Moxxie is blown away firing a shotgun through the mouth of a man tied to a chair, Loona swings a man back and forth in her mouth, and Millie decapitates someone with a harpoon and laughs.]
Stolas: *Cringes a bit by all the death but forces a shaky smile* oh…how…charming.
Octavia: Cool.
Lin: *smiles at Millie’s part* Aww that’s our baby girl!
Joe: *puts an arm around Lin* takes after her mother!
Striker: *Rolls eyes*
[Then, it zooms out to everyone watching the TV, with Loona, Millie, and Blitzø eating popcorn.]
Blitzø: Ahh, those were the good times.
Blitzø: *grins* memories ammiright M&M?
Moxxie: *rolls eyes* oh you know it sir
Moxxie: I don't need any reminding, sir. Considering you blew most of our salaries on an obnoxious TV ad last week. One that you then additionally paid to have run for a full three hours on a channel... nobody watches.
Blitzø: Uh, hey. Excuse me? What's "obnoxious" about a super-fun jingle, alright? It's a fun distraction when an advertisem*nt's spittin' bullsh*t!
Millie: People love musicals, sir.
Blitzø: Exactly, Millie! And we're basically doin' a musical. *does jazz hands* Are you gonna crush my musical theatre dreams like my dad did?
Moxxie: Sir--
Blitzø: 'Cause, right now? All I see is just my dad's asshole talking to me! *Sad eyes* Crushing my dreams of being who I truly am inside!
Fizz: Well…that’s certainly accurate enough. *deadpans* you were always a disappointment to your dad.
Blitzø: *growls* shut up.
Striker: *thinking* wow, so he’s always been pushed to the side. No wonder the prince can use him as a toy.
Millie: Are you tryin' to crush his dreams, Moxxie?
Moxxie: I-- What?
Millie: *flirtatiously* I thought I knew you~
[She playfully sticks her tongue out at him as Moxxie blushes and rolls his eyes affectionately with a tiny smile before turning serious.]
Millie: *kisses his cheek* Mmmwah!
Moxxie: *smiling with a blush*
Blitzø: I can't believe you, Moxxie!-
[He tearfully holds up an employee of the month plaque with Moxxie's picture on it.]
Blitzø: -After I made you employee of the month!
Moxxie: *groans* I hate that photo.
Blitzø: *grins* It really captures your eyes moxxie!
Moxxie: I look drunk…
Moxxie: *defeated* Okay, sir! I'm sorry; a commercial jingle is not comparable to musical theatre. Nobody actually likes the jingles!
Millie: I liked it.
Moxxie: *shocked and irritated* Do not-- *points at Millie* Do not agree with him in front of me.
[The scene cuts to the I.M.P. commercial.]
Blitzø: Hi, there! I'm Blitzø! The "o" is silent, and I'm the founder of I.M.P.!
[He gestures to the logo as it appears on screen, then disappears.]
Verosika: *groans* Guess we’re gonna see Blitzo’s FAILURE of a business.
Blitzø: *growls* oh shut up whor*!
[Two pictures of Blitzø in different scenarios show while he speaks. The first shows him wearing two top hats through his horns, a monocle, and twiddling a fake mustache, while standing outside of a burning building with a sign that reads "Orphanage for Elderly Blind Newborn Dogs" appears. The second shows Blitzø wearing an angel costume at a coffeehouse happily throwing an empty coffee cup in a trash can, instead of the recycling bin right next to it.]
Blitzø: Are you a piece of sh*t that got yourself sent to Hell, or are you an innocent soul who got f*ckED over by someone else?!
Stolas: Um I don’t believe Satan makes those kind of mistakes-
Blitzø: yeah no, they’re all sinners in denial. But being in a business sometimes you gotta just tell people what they wanna hear. Especially in hell.
Stolas: Oh um…I see.
[The commercial cuts to a demon guy wearing an Ohio sports jersey, giving a testimonial, while Blitzø holds a cardboard sign in frame that reads "Some guy who hired us!!"]
Demon Guy: After lovingly killing my wife for *in demonic voice* f*cking the delivery man ! *normal voice* you can imagine my surprise when I wound up here, after the state of Ohio killed me! I really wish I could stick it to that *in demonic voice* yappy jogger! *normal voice* who saw me hiding the body!
Stolas: ….and he wonders how he got down here?
Blitzø: like I said, sinners in denial.
[Blitzø is speaking to the camera and holding a Grimoire, while Moxxie and Millie are arranging lit candles on the floor in a pentagram. While he speaks, his eyes narrow as he does a magical gesture with his hand and a flaming portal appears on the floor. Moxxie and Millie run off in surprise. He tosses the grimoire aways as he walks up to the portal.]
Blitzø: (to camera) Well, luckily for you. Thanks to our company's special access to the living world, we can help you take care of your unfinished business by taking out anyone who screwed you over when you were alive! *falls backwards into the portal*
Stolas: Blitzy! You showed my Grimoire on the commercial!
Blitzø: oh relax stolas, this is hell nobody f*ckin cares.
Stolas: But still-!
Stella: oh for f*cks sake SHUT UP!
*Stolas flinched a little before closing his mouth, this caused some people to look at him in a bit of concern. Even Verosika*
[The scene transitions to a person with their arms crossed and a thought bubble appears depicting another person being crossed out as the commercial jingles plays in the background.]
Singer: ♫ When you want somebody gone, ♫
[A dead body falls near the person as they notice and look up.]
Singer: ♫ and you don't want to wait too long ♫
[Moxxie, Blitzø, and Millie are shown in a circle logo. Blitzø holds his arms out as Moxxie holds up his rifle and Millie holds up her spear. A letter "I" appears to the left of them, while a letter "P" appears on the right of them. The trio together form a letter "M", thus spelling the initials I.M.P.]
Singer: ♫ call the Immediate Murder Professionals! ♫
Barbie: Hm, I gotta admit brother. That’s one nice jingle.
Blitzø: Right?!
Fizz: Alright I’ll give you THAT one but only once!
Ozzie; the music IS interesting.
Striker: *thinking* such a shame that business is wasted on him riding on a Royal.
[Blitzø, Moxxie, and Millie are inside of their building and Moxxie throws a grenade out the window. The trio cover where their ears would be as an explosion goes off. A severed arm goes flying.]
Singer: ♫ Hand grenade or cyanide, ♫
[Blitzø is shown hanging someone with a rope as Millie finishes writing a suicide note.]
Singer: ♫ We'll make it look like suicide ♫
[Blitzø is shown electrocuting someone, Millie is shown hitting someone on the head with a mace, and Moxxie is shown strangling someone.]
Singer: ♫ The Immediate Murder Professionals! ♫
Joe: Hm, interesting choices of death.
Lin: your business is very intriguing!
Blitzø: *grins* thanks!
[The I.M.P. logo spins around quickly as the scene transitions to Blitzø creating a portal to the living world in a wall, then jumping through it. He is followed by Millie and then Moxxie, who trips over the grimoire and falls into the portal.]
Singer: ♫ We do our job so well, ♫
[The trio come up through the other end of the portal and adjust themselves.]
Singer: ♫ Because, we come straight out from Hell! ♫
[The I.M.P. trio suddenly look shocked as it appears they have accidentally teleported to a church in the middle of a service. A female preacher and the congregation look back at the demons in confusion and/or fear. One bearded man, however, has his head laid back as he sleeps with earbuds in.]
Stolas: BLITZY!
Blitzø: Okay THAT one was unintentional!
[Millie is shown struggling to remove a knife from a naked couple who are in 69 position, while Moxxie tries to look away, and Blitzø examines a pair of panties.]
Singer: ♫ We'll kill your husband or your wife ♫
[Blitzø stabs someone tied to a chair repeatedly in the head while sporting a goofy expression.]
Singer: ♫ We'll even let you keep the knife ♫
[A quick sequence then shows the trio assassinating their targets in numerous horrific ways, such as with a medieval torture chamber, riding a shark, burning someone alive, suffocating someone with a pillow, playing on a grand piano after it crushed someone, and using an electric chair. In the final scene, the trio are hiding in a bush in a park and Moxxie is about to shoot a blonde woman looking at her phone from behind.]
Singer: ♫ We're the Immediaaaaate... Murderrrrrr... Profession-- ♫
[Moxxie accidentally shoots a boy passing by, eating an ice cream cone.]
Eddie: AUUUGH!
[The boy collapses as Moxxie looks on in shock. Blitzø and Millie turn their eyes to Moxxie in surprise.]
Stolas: is that a human child?!
Blitzø: I KNOW this looks bad, but trust me it worked out in the end.
Verosika: Ugh, As if we’d believe you.
Millie: It actually did work out…
[Cuts to a hospital operating room. The boy is wheeled in on a hospital bed by a doctor, a pink-haired nurse, and a blue-haired nurse.]
Pink-haired Nurse: *in masculine voice* Doctor, he's not responding!
Blue-haired Nurse: Cool water, stat!
[The pink-haired nurse whacks the boy in the face with a bucket of water, doing nothing but leave a large welt on his face.]
Blue-haired Nurse: It didn't do anything!
[The boys tongue flops down from his mouth.]
Doctor: Dammit! I'm not losing another one.
Blitzø: funny how they always say that.
Stolas; you’d think they’d stop promising such a thing.
Stella; could you stop agreeing with the IMP?!
*her voice made Octavia groan and turn her headphone music up louder and Stolas just once again closed his mouth*
Blitzø: *thinking* dang, he has to deal with this bitch everyday?
[Everyone has their defibrillator paddles over the boy.]
Doctor: CLEAR!
[They all zap the boy and he wakes up.]
Eddie: *gasps*
Doctor: Holy sh*t! It actually worked.
Verosika: that actually worked???
Moxxie: that really shouldn’t have worked so well…
Tex: Is that even safe..?
Sally May: Nice…
[Blitzø, Millie, and Moxxie are waiting outside the boy's hospital room. Blitzø is reading a magazine, while Millie comforts Moxxie, who looks devastated. The doctor comes out of the room with a clipboard.]
Doctor: He appears to be in stable condition, but he'll need surgery. *looks up from clipboard* Now, what insurance provider do you freaks have?
Blitzø: …The f*ck is insurance?
[A shot of the outside of the hospital is shown, as a window breaks and the boy's hospital bed flies out. The boy is unconscious in the bed, while Millie, Moxxie, and Blitzø are holding on for dear life as they plummet screaming to the ground. The bed is stopped by a rope that has become tangled around Blitzø’s foot. Blitzø slams his face into the bed, the rope snaps, and they all continue to fall.]
*Verosika, Fizz, Barbie, and Sally May all started laughing*
Blitzø: Yeah yeah laugh it up bitches!
Striker: *smirks*
[A still shot of the I.M.P. logo is shown.]
Singer: ♫ Kids die for freeeeeee! ♫
*the laughter echoed*
[The scene cuts back to the boardroom. Millie and Moxxie are sitting across from Loona, who has her feet up and is watching a video on her phone of Moxxie getting hurt.]
Moxxie: I'd like to go on record and say that incident was Loona’s fault. Dispatch is supposed to give us the right info on the target. It's very simple.
Loona: *not looking up* Oh, sit on a dick, Moxxie.
Moxxie: YOU sit! Sit on... a... and the... d--
DO YOUR JOB!!
Loona: *sarcastic* Wowww nice comeback.
Moxxie: Shut up…
Blitzø: Hey, now. We don't blame our screwups on Loona, okay?!
[Blitzø hugs and nuzzles Loona, who snarls at him in response.]
Blitzø: She didn't do anything wrooooong~
*Loona looked annoyed but couldn’t help a tiny smile*
Moxxie: ...Are you kidding me, sir? She's awful!
[The scene cuts to a flashback of Loona at her desk, reading a magazine called “Hellhound Monthly”. Her desk phone rings with the sound of a cute puppy barking as the ringtone. Loona answers.]
Loona: *not looking up* Hello, I.M.P.
Millie: (on phone, panicked) Loona, I got stabbed! Call Mox--
[Loona suddenly hangs up, disinterested in the conversation.]
Moxxie: *groans*
[Next, she is in Blitzø’s office as he presents her with a gift.]
Blitzø: Happy Adoption Anniversary, Loonie! I got you a little somethin'.
Tex: *surprised and whispers* Wow, he treats you really well.
Loona: *smiles slightly whispering back* yeah…he does.
Loona: Is it a cure for syphilis?
Blitzø: I... *frowns* Oh...
[Loona snatches the present and angrily slams it on the floor.]
Loona: THEN, I DON'T WANT IT!
[A large swarm of spiders suddenly emerge from the present box and swarm Loona up to her neck.]
Loona: UGHHH!
Blitzø: *suddenly hiding outside of the office window* I'm sorry! *winces* You love spiders!
Loona: *annoyed, deadpan as a spider bounced on her nose* Goddammit.
Tex: You like spiders?
Loona: Yeah, but not crawling all over me.
Blitzø: Noted.
*Tex hummed a bit thinking of a furry red spider he saw at the pet store*
[Loona is then shown at her desk, watching an online video of Charlie Magne performing "Inside of Every Demon is a Rainbow". Moxxie approaches her with a flyer for "Chub B Gone".]
Moxxie: Um, e- excuse me. Did you just fax me an ad for weight loss?
Loona: No.
Moxxie: Wha-- Why- Why would anyone send me this?
Loona: C'mon... *looks up at Moxxie* You know why.
Moxxie: I’m NOT fat!!
[The next scene shows Loona rummaging through the break room fridge. Only her backside and thighs showing]
*Tex blushed at that*
Blitzø: *Growls*
Loona: Whoever left the f*cking... avocado salad in the fridge, I'm taking it, because I have the worst hangover right now!
[Loona turns around to face Millie with a red box in hand as she shuts the fridge door with her foot. She rips off the lid and drinks the salad.]
Millie: Why would you drink on a work night?
Loona: *stops drinking* I'm hungover from this morning, dumbass!
Tex: Hehe, you seem really straight forward
Loona: *smiles a bit* y-yeah I guess.
[Moxxie enters the room and notices Loona with his box.]
Moxxie: Isn't that my lunch?
Moxxie; oh come on!
Loona: *drops the box on the floor* Y'know what?! I can't take this assault right now! I need to blow off some-
[She kicks the box at Moxxie, knocking him out of the room and surprising Millie.]
Loona: -f*cking steam!
Millie: *kisses moxxie’s cheek*
Moxxie: *smiles at her*
[Loona runs out of the break room and out into the street.]
Loona: AAAAAAAAAAH!
[Loona runs up to a succubus lady passing by on the other side of the street, pushing her baby in a stroller. Loona kicks the stroller high into the air and storms off, while the demon lady stands there in disbelief]
Stolas; was that a baby?!
[The scene transitions to Loona at her desk, telling Blitzø about a caller.]
Loona: Bliiiitzø! That clingy, rich asshole is on the phone! Says it's urgent and wants to talk to you! Sounds a little DTF-y.
[Cuts to Blitzø and Moxxie standing by a water cooler.]
Blitzø: *throws his cup of water on the floor* Oh, GOD, it was one time! *crosses arms* If I hadn't slept with that privileged asshole, none of us would have access to the living world.
Moxxie: *stares in stunned silence* ...You what?
Moxxie; oh yeah, I forgot there was once a time when you didn’t regularly go out with the prince
Stolas: *smiles*
Blitzø: whoa whoa whoa! We are NOT “going out”!
Millie: *smirking*
[The scene cuts to a flashback of Stolas sleeping naked in bed. He is hooting like an owl and there are feathers everywhere. Blitzø, who is partially nude, walks away quietly with the grimoire in hand.]
Blitzø: *to himself* Got the booook, got the booook! Got this f*ckin' heavy book!
[Blitzø reaches Stolas' balcony and lays the grimoire on the ledge. Grunting, he attempts to step up on the ledge using the grimoire. Instead, the combined weight sends both him and the grimoire falling forward off of the balcony.]
Blitzø: Oh- Oh, sh*t!!
Verosika and Fizz: *Laughing*
[Blitzø lands on the cake that Stolas’ wife and her friends are having, splattering pieces of it all over them.]
Blitzø: Oof! …(to Stella) Sorry, I f*cked your husband.
*I.M.P. Burst into shocked laughter*
Millie: YOU ACTUALLY said that to her FACE?!
Stolas: *blushes*
Stella: *growls* you little!-
[The scene cuts back to Loona at her desk.]
Loona: BLIIIITZØ!
Blitzø: I HEARD YOU ALREA--!
[The scene cuts to Blitzø in his office, talking with Stolas, and playing with a bobblehead of Moxxie.]
Blitzø: Sooooo, what can I do you for this time, Stolas?
Blitzø: *groans* oh wait I remember this conversation.
Octavia: *immediately turns her music back up, she did NOT want to hear one of stolas’ thirsty calls*
Stolas: *blushes*
Verosika; what are you all fussing about???
[Stolas is shown talking on his phone from a fancy mansion.]
Stolas: There's a political candidate causing trouble up on Earth for a few of my associates. He's trying to convince people global warming exists!
Blitzø: Doesn't it?
Stolas: Well... yes. But, more people die if nothing is done about it. And it gets lonely here~
Blitzø: *deadpans* you didn’t want me to kill anyone did you?
stolas: …
Blitzø: you just wanted an excuse to call me.
Stolas: …I cannot honestly say I didn’t.
Blitzø: Okay, well. Yeah, that makes sense.
Stolas: (through phone) You know what happens when I'm lonely, Blitzy?~
[Blitzø pulls his phone away and talks to himself.]
Blitzø: (under his breath) Oh God-f*ckin'-dammit.
Moxxie: Uhh sir? Why do you look very annnoyed???
Millie: it’s just a phone call, what’s so bad about it?
Loona: Ugh I don’t wanna hear blitz’ boyfriend flirting with him
Blitzø; he’s NOT my!-
Stolas: When I'm lonely, I become hungry. And when I become hungry, I want to choke on that red {bleeped) of yours... {bleeped) your {bleeped) and lick all of your (bleeped), before taking out your (bleeped), and (bleeped) with more teeth until you're screaming (bleeped) like a f*ckING baby--!
…..
*Millie and Moxxie looked at stolas*
Loona: Ew! What the f*ck?!
Stolas: *blushing a bit redder* I…got a little carried away.
Sally May; well ain’t THAT an understatement of the century.
Lin: awww I remember when we were like they honey.
Joe: Ha! We always had our fun.
Verosika: I didn’t think anyone could want Blitzo that badly.
Barbie: me neither…
*Stella hisses at Stolas whom looked away from her*
Fizz: so it’s true!
Ozzie; you really are sleeping with an imp, now that’s the spirit of Lust!
Stolas: *holding his head*
Striker: *thinking* Hm, selfish royals always wanting to fulfill their own needs,
[Blitzø, who's visibly disturbed, scene pans to his with Stolas name listed as "creepy mouth (aka one night stand bird dick)” with a call total of 48 seconds. as he hangs up, a knock out noise plays.]
Barbie: *laughs* isn’t that a bit of overkill?
Blitzø; it’s not enough.
[He snaps his cellphone in half, smashes it with his desk phone, tosses said desk phone away, pulls out a blender, puts the cellphone pieces in it, and blends them]
Sally May: Geez! I know it was surprising but isn’t that too much?
Verosika: *genuinely surprised* I’ve never seen him so flabbergasted before
[Blitzø turns and hands the blender to Loona, who was standing nearby.]
Blitzø: Eat this!
[Loona drinks the blended cellphone mixture.]
Blitzø: And then y'know that bridge over the freeway?
Loona: Yeah? [Loona raises her eyebrow as she says it.]
Blitzø: sh*t off it!
Fizz: *Deadpans* it wasn’t THAT bad.
Blitzø: you heard that phone call! Shut up!
[The flashback ends, and Blitzø is standing by Loona.]
Blitzø: Look, the point is, Loona is a valued member of our family, and we don't get rid of family.
[Loona looks up from her phone and briefly smiles, touched by Blitzø’s words.]
Tex: He really cares about you doesn’t he?
Loona: I mean I guess?
Tex: *smiles* I’m glad you found yourself a good home, not many hellhounds get treated like real people. I got lucky Verosika let me be my own person.
Loona: That’s how you have a girlfriend right?
Tex: *cringes at the mention of his girlfriend* yeah, yeah you could say that.
Moxxie: We aren't a family, sir! You are the boss! We are the employees! You treat her like she's some troubled teenager! She's more like a meth-addicted homeless woman you let man the phones!
[As Moxxie rants, Loona continues looking at her phone, slowly flipping Moxxie off.]
Moxxie: *groans*
Loona: *smirks*
Blitzø: That is offensive! Without homeless people, *walks over to window and raises blinds* I wouldn't have HALF the joy and laughter I do in this life!
[Blitzø puts his face up against the window, cracking the glass, and sees a homeless demon, looking sad and holding up a sign that reads "Monee helps. Satan bless." A succubus is on her cellphone and turns away from the hobo. Blitzø smugly waves at him, before lowering the window blinds.]
Stolas: Blitzy! That’s uncalled for.
Blitzø: Come on! It was just teasing!
Moxxie: While we're on the subject of [makes air quotes with his hands] "family", can you stop finding me and Millie outside of work?
[Moxxie makes an annoying face at the viewers.]
Millie: Come on, sweetie! It's not that big a deal! [Glass shattering noise plays as Moxxie makes a stocked face.]
Moxxie: Excuse me... [Moxxie looks at Millie] WHAT?!
Moxxie: *looks at millie*
Millie: it’s not that bad.
[The scene cuts to a flashback of Moxxie and Millie preparing dinner in their kitchen.]
Moxxie: Honey, can you get me the butter?
Millie: Sure, sweetie.
[Millie opens the fridge door and finds Blitzø inside as he hands her the gross, viscous butter.]
Blitzø: Spoiler alert: the butter's spoiled!
Millie: *giggles*
stolas: *giggles behind his hand shooting*
Blitzø: *blushes at his laugh*
Moxxie: *throws the diced carrots into the soup* What's funny, honey?
Blitzø: Really impressive wordplay.
Moxxie: WHAT THE--?! WHY ARE YOU IN OUR FRIDGE ?!?!
Moxxie: Sir could you PLEASE stop hiding in our furniture!
[Later that evening, shows a building, Inside their Moxxie and Millie are asleep in bed. The former is tossing and turning as the sound of a cat purring can be heard. Moxxie opens his eyes and sees Blitzø standing on him, looking him right in the eyes.]
Sally May: *cringes* …that’s creepy.
Verosika: I don’t remember him being that…creepy.
Fizz: He’s always been the clingy type.
Barbie: definitely true on that.
Blitzø: I can HEAR you and I don’t appreciate you talking sh*t about me!
Stolas: *more focused on something else* awww! Blitzy your purring is so cute!!
*Blitzø blushed a darker pink and some others laughed a bit*
Blitzø: Whatcha dreamin' about?
Moxxie: I was dreaming my parents were being murdered, *narrows eyes* but now... I'd like to go back to that.
Tex: …wow.
Millie: it’s not that bad moxxie.
Moxxie: *Sighs*
[In the next scene, Moxxie is singing the end of “Oh Millie”, as Millie joins in on some parts.]
Moxxie: ♫ Of all the imps in Hell, it's for her that I fell ♫
Millie (joins in): *harmonizing* ♫ It's for him that I fell ♫
Moxxie: ♫ Oh, Millie~ ♫
*some of the women (and stolas) AWW’D at the sweet love song*
[They close their eyes to kiss, but Moxxie notices Blitzø outside the window holding a camcorder.]
Moxxie: Are you f*cking filming us right now?!
Stolas: *shocked* Blitzy!
Blitzø; what? It was a good song!
Moxxie: you were FILMING US!!!
Fizz; you gotta admit Blitzo that’s creepy.
Blitzø: oh like your one to talk! And the “O” is silent!!!
[The flashback ends as we cut back to the board room.]
Moxxie: Just... stop... doing that!
Blitzø: *shrugs* I don't see what the issue is! There somethin' you don't want me seein'?
Moxxie: *eye twitches in anger* No!
Loona: [snickers at the same time as Blitzø talks]
Blitzø: You a baby-wiener-haver?
Moxxie: BLITZ!!!
Blitzø: Hey it’s true.
Millie; No it’s not!!!
Moxxie: Sir, what you say and how you act is totally *stands up from his chair* INAPPROPRIATE!
Millie: *lays her hand on Moxxie's shoulder* Calm down, Mox! You're gonna have another panic attack!
Moxxie: I AM CALM!
[Moxxie starts whimpering in anger while looking back at Blitzø]
Millie: *comforting Moxxie* Shh-shh-shh. There, there.
*Moxxie smiles leaning against his wife*
stolas: *smiling at the happy couple…though he couldn’t help but yearn for that loving affection, Satan did he crave it. That love..*
Striker and Stella: *thinking* Eugh, pathetic….
Blitzø: Look, I don't judge the boring couple stuff *motions his hands to imply sexual activity* you do outside work hours. So, don't... judge me!
Moxxie: Oh, I do judge you, sir! Quite a lot, actually!
Millie: Mox, he's our boss!
Blitzø: No-no-no, it's fine Mills, your husband is just... how do I say this without being offensive? *smiling smugly* ...retarded.
Moxxie: Does immaturely insulting me make you feel better about your sad, single life?
Blitzø: *leans towards Moxxie* It actually does.
*Since Moxxie wasn’t angry like his on screen past counterpart, he frowned realizing something*
Moxxie; you…didn’t deny it.
Blitzø: didn’t deny what?
Moxxie: about you having a sad life.
Blitzø; …I-it’s nothing let’s just continue!
*He tried to brush it off and this concerned Moxxie*
[Camera zooms out to Loona.]
Loona: The only reason you have a wife *looks away from her phone to glare at Moxxie* is because you're easy to manage!
[Millie slams her hands against the table, looking at Loona with anger.]
Millie: No, he's not, you *deeper tone* BITCH! *flips Loona off*
[Loona growls at Millie]
Blitzø: Do not talk to my receptionist that way! She's sensitive!
Loona: [*snaps at Millie*] Yes, I am!
Eddie: (offscreen) You guys are all f*cking assholes.
Stolas: who said that?-
[Blitzø, Moxxie, Millie, and Loona's eye all widen in surprise. They look at Eddie, the boy Moxxie accidentally shot earlier. Eddie is lying on a table with three wires from a heart monitor attached to his stomach.]
Blitzø: Oh, shut up, kid! You're lucky to witness this!
Verosika: that kid is still ALIVE?!
Fizz: wow, just…HOW?
Blitzø; we have no idea.
Moxxie: *pinches bridge of his nose* Ugh, this company is such a mess!
Blitzø: Alright, let's get back to talking about my outfit.
Loona: Nobody was talking about that!
Blitzø: Which is why I'm tryin' to get that ball rolling. So, how does it look? It's good, right?
Stolas; *flirty* you look good in anything you wear Blitzy!~
Blitzø: *smirks* yeah I do!
Stolas: *whispers to him* Though I prefer you without it~
Blitzø: *groans*
Eddie: *points at Blitzø* It's been a literal hell *detaches the tubes of the heart monitor* having to pretend to be paralyzed so you f*cksh*ts wouldn't kill me! But, now I want that. *holds his face* I want death !
Sally May: …Wow,
Barbie; is that kid REALLY that annoyed?
Octavia: It wasn’t that bad…
Tex: So what ended up happening to that kid???
[He once again points at Blitzø.]
Eddie: You are a selfish, greedy clown. And I'm a kid! We're supposed to like clowns! Even the creepy ones!
Fizz: Ha!
Blitzø: oh shut up!
Moxxie: Hey, now! That's not very--
[Eddie interrupts Moxxie, intimidating him.]
Eddie: If I wanted to hear from a spineless jackass, I'd rip out your spine and ask you some sh*t.
Sally May: *bursts out laughing* Ha! He got you GOOD!
Millie: shut up Sally!
[Millie slams her hand on the table, the other gesturing at Moxxie.]
Millie: That's my husband you're talkin' to!
Eddie: *laughs* That's your husband?!
[Moxxie and Millie snarl at Eddie.]
Eddie: I figured you for a slu*t. *grins gesturing with his fingers (small)* But, I didn't know you needed dick that bad!
Sally May: *frowns* whoa hey! Nobody talks to my sister like that!
Lin: That little brat.
Joe: *Growls*
Eddie: *points at Loona* And you!
Loona: What? *looks up from her phone* What about me?
Eddie: Nothing. *crosses arms* I don't talk to dogs. *grins* I'm a cat person.
[Loona gives a wide-eyed glare, whines at Eddie with anger, and goes back to looking at her phone.]
Blitzø: Wow. Ah, y'know, kid, you kind of are a piece of sh*t.
Everyone, in unison: *softly* Yeah. He's kind of a piece of sh*t.
Tex: So am I going to get an answer?-
[Loona's eyes widen as she receives a text message.]
Loona: Oh, f*ck! *smiles* Guys, I just got a text from our client! Guess he was the right target after all.
Blitzø: Who?
Loona: *points at Eddie* Him.
Eddie: (in disbelief) Me?
Loona: *smugly, without looking up* Yup.
Tex: Oh.
Stolas: *frowns* Oh…
Blitzø: They wanted us to kill an actual child?
Loona: That's what they're sayin'.
Blitzø: ...Well, Christ on a stick. I guess there is a God.
[Blitzø draws a flintlock pistol and fires it at Eddie, killing him instantly.]
Eddie: OWWWW! [crashes into the wall as he gets shot, covers a spot with blood as he says this, landing on the table while his eyes turn to Xs]
Stolas: *winces* Poor boy…
[Then blood covers the screen, then reveals Blitzø and Moxxie kicking Eddie's corpse, Millie stabbing him, and Loona recording everything on her phone.]
Blitzø: (voiceover) Y'know, folks? With this company, I really wanted to prove that we're capable of doing the same things anyone else can. Like killing people!
[Blitzø and Moxxie are shown wearing full hazard gear, dismembering Eddie's body with a hacksaw and chainsaw respectively. Blood splats on the screen again, then shows the group by a dumpster putting Eddie's body parts in a garbage bag.]
Blitzø: (voiceover) So, from us here at the Immediate Murder Professionals group, we promise to settle your unfinished business or your money... is gone and you're never getting it back, and you can write us a bad review but we'll play dumb to it, because it's Hell and no one f*ckin' cares.
[As Blitzø does the voiceover, he hugs Moxxie, Millie, and Loona, the latter's phone flying out of her hands.]
Blitzø: Y'know, even though this kid was a target... he's still a child. And it's important that *wraps his tail lovingly around the group* we handle this going forward respectfully.
[The group all smile]
Stolas: well that’s good at least.
[The scene cuts to a newscast, showing Eddie's mother tearfully holding up a bad drawing of her son. A male news reporter holds a microphone up to her, looking disinterested. The headline on screen says, "Mom sucks at drawing own kid", while the ticker bar constantly reads "There is a missing boy! Yet another missing kid!"]
Eddie's mother: *sobbing* Please! If anyone has seen my little Eddie,
Loona: *snickers* “mom sucks at drawing own kid”? Wow.
Octavia: *stifles a laugh*
*Stolas smiles seeing Via and Loona getting along*
Eddie’s mother: Please contact us at-- [Eddie's bloody body bag suddenly falls into her arms.] *terrified* OHHH!
[Eddie's mother and the news reporter look up in shock as the camera follows their gaze. Blitzø, Moxxie, and Millie are shown looking down on them through a portal.]
Blitzø: *smiles and waves* You're welcome!
[The trio disappear in the portal as it closes.]
Stolas: *Mortified* Blitzy!!!
Blitzø: in my defense she DID say she wanted her kid back.
Stolas: …well…fair point.
[As the credits roll, a rough animatic of Moxxie singing "Oh, Millie" in full to Millie is shown.]
Stolas: Aww! Your such a sweet couple!
Moxxie: thank you your highness.
